An Entertainer's Life

Ugh what have I become? I go online, check my Xanga for comments, check my Blog for comments, check my friend's Blogs and Xangas to see if they updated. That’s maybe 15 minutes to an hour (depending on what I read) wasted. Then I go off, do other things; talk online, read, eat. I do all this until I decide to go back online. To do what? check Xangas and check Blogs.

I’ve become a junkie, an internet journal junkie. Its sad that the first thing I click when I go to sit at the computer is my browser for my Xanga site. What am I going to see? "Lets see if anyone commented" I think. COMMENTED! Carolina you checked 45 minutes ago! How could someone possibly have commented. It’s sad. It really is sad. I should really stop. I just wait to see peoples reactions, their praise. I shouldn‘t need this. I should be doing it, to do it, for me, not for other people. . .

But at the same time I have an excuse or rather, not an excuse but a passion. I am an entertainer. Those of you in Springside know; I yearn for my Monday morning spotlight to make people laugh. It used to be because I wanted people to come to the club, but now its become something more. Something that I want to do for fun. I want to make them laugh, make them happy.

This isn’t a bad thing. I think this is just something that I have come to realize. I guess I felt that I should write it, maybe post it on my Blog, try to impact someone. Knowing me I will check my Blog even more, just to see your reaction. It’s sad, the life of a performer, always doing for others. But in one instance it’s worth it, a little slice of heaven here on earth; all because you made them laugh, or cry, or. . think. You impacted them and that’s when suddenly that life, that sad life of show becomes a Broadway production. You have succeeded in effecting. And in the end you did it. You did it for them. You did it for you.