Rinse Cycle

The buzzer goes off. I approach all my clothes left in the sink, all limp, dripping wet. My mom must have put them there, having to use the washer for her own clothes. I pick up a sock but before throwing into the dyer, I pause. I review each seam and piece of cloth. I turn the sock over and over. But on the last turn I find a sentence smeared on the bottom. I blink a couple times, rub my eyes but the sentence is real. It reads:

“Why can’t I do both?”

“How odd” I think. Bewildered, I reach in for it’s pair which has written on it:

“Where to?” and “Do I have to decide?”

“Interesting” I think. I then move through the pile to come upon a pair of jeans. They’re old and worn, but the most comfortable to wear. Around the ankles are two sentences:

“Who does he think he is?”
and
“Hold me.”

I give an exasperated sigh and throw them into the dryer. I then pick up five shirts. This time one word is smudged on each of their backs.

“who” “will” “love” “me” “today?”

I then pick up my school jacket, only to find the word:

“Me”

I giggle as I throw all of these into the black cylinder hole. I then pick up a pair of dance pants.

“Overused”

After that, I pick up the tights. They seemed familiar yet from a distant dream. As I run my hands over their threads the sounds of crickets and the smell of must and sweat come to my mind. I then find the words:

“Use me”

I throw them in the washer and I shake my head as I reach for my cup of tea on the edge of the washer. I go to take a swig, but it’s empty. I give a half smile and go back to my wash. There’s only one thing left in the pile now, it’s rolled up into a ball. I venture further, slowly uncoiling each layer. It’s my favorite sweatshirt. I smile remembering the warmth I felt when it was worn. I turn it over and on the back are 2 simple words:

“Wake up”

Perplexed by such an odd ending to my laundry’s story, I crumple the sweatshirt back up, throw it in the dryer. I pause for a few seconds












But then quickly shake away the thoughts.


I press start.

A Bit of Gin Can Go a Long Way

This is a sign with the 2 pictures. One of a older man and a younger man drinking with domino looking chips around them. The second is of the younger one getting busted by a cop. Though this sign is hard to see because of the lighting, let me just explain to you it's story and ultimately it's lesson.

Story:
You're a young kid, probably senior in high school. And one night, because you're a complete loser, you're left to hang out with your dad on your weekend night. Since someone seems to have taken the batteries out of your 10 year old SIMON, both you and your dad decide to play a few rounds of Gin Rummy. Ultimately one thing leads to another and you end up playing kings on your nicely furnished basement carpet. Then, all of a sudden, you reach for some more pretzels within your chex mix when you realize you ran completely out. Your father, being the man who could never hold his drink (especially after Crazy Aunt Jeans visit/gift last thanksgiving) throws the car keys in your general direction or maybe just near the stairs (you're going that way anyway) so that you can take the car out and pick some more up. You pull out of your driveway, take a left at the light, and eventually as your driving progressively gets worse, you get pulled over by a cop. The cop arrests you for drinking and driving and your mom awkwardly picks you up from the station worried sick a) where her husband was since he was supposed to be with you and b) how her son got the car keys since he was banned from driving the dodge caravan because of the freak wild turkey collision on the forth of July. Ultimately you get grounded for life for getting drinking in the first place as well as other various government penalties that you never remembered from your permit test. Oh, and your dad never remembered to get new batteries for your SIMON.

Lesson:
Never mix Gin Rummy and alcohol unless under the supervision of the mother of the household.

A Little Slice of Awkward

Today was tedious but it needed to happen. I knew it, from the moment I saw you walking down the hallway. Though I tried to approach the problem with grace and ease, your reaction tipped my scales. I thought that I had lost you. Automatically, emotions steamed and thoughts became worries, but as the day progressed, I realized that you. are. amazing! So things we're a little awkward but, you know what? You are my best friend and I will never forget that. And, though you may never read this, I know that I must acknowledge that you are a true friend and I am truly thankful.

I love you.

Tis The Season

Winter. It’s sensational. It’s a season of warm fires, snow covered hills, close nit relations, and gift giving. But, some how, for me, these “sensational” things get lost in the mail along with Aunt Jeans socks and Grandma’s candy calendar.

Every winter it is the same thing. The season of giving, and happiness becomes a season of cold darkness, depression, and tears. In winter I feel utterly and completely alone. I’m left in the darkness at 6:30pm to think about my life and what I am doing. I’m suddenly alone with Kelly Clarkson and the lowest points in my life poping into my chilled head. First thing I look at is the most obvious: my love life or maybe lack there of. It’s so stereotypical of a girl to automatically think of her love life when left alone with love ridden music. To me it’s sickening. I hate it and yet I do it every year. Every winter I get upset by the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. Why should it matter? Either way I am the same person. And it’s not that I am jealous of some people. I’m fine with the fact that people have a significant others and yet I just wish I had one too.

I don’t really know why I view my love life within the winter. Some how my focus lands not on school work but on my lacking relationships with men. I then begin to go over the equation. I see that I am a wonderful person who has a great personality, is down to earth, cute, and willing to give her heart to anyone who wishes. And yet, I have no one. There is a flaw somewhere in my calculations but I can’t seem to find it. I then begin to look for solutions to my problem. I cut my hair, I start dressing nicely, I try the make-up thing for a day. But everyday I come home with the same empty hands and saddened look. It is then that the cycle begins… What’s wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with me. You shouldn’t let the boys determine the fact that there is. But then why don’t I have one? It’s a continuous and hellish cycle that consists of me being depressed within a feminist mind set. I don’t know whether to give into my feelings or to resist them and be a role model. I want to be a strong woman who doesn’t need a man. But, God damn it, I want a man too.

Lets think about it shall we? Most of my relationships are friendships or crushes. I have yet to actually flirt with a guy and get the reaction I want. Now, this may be because I flirt in an almost joking way, and that’s for me to work out. But I still don’t get it. Regardless of how I am flirting. I am doing everything right, and I am yet to get results. Right now I am within a prime example: the one guy I like is oblivious to the fact that I like him. And I do mean oblivious. You think “No, I’m sure that he gets it” but this kid? No. Doesn’t see one bit of it. I could blatantly hint to the fact that I like him, and yet he ignores my sarcastic comments and moves onto other “wannamakers” in his life.

But even though everyone can see it with the exception of him, it’s alright. I just move on. I keep on living because there is nothing that I can do, really. As much as I would like to be deep and depressed for more than a day, I can’t. So I continue with my upbeat personality. Plus why would I ever want to change myself to get a man? I would never do that….


…Well hardly ever…

::edit::

things change in an instant

A Scream Through Bent Bars

You didn’t mean to
I know you were innocent

I know that you started off with good intentions and
What they call, a
                 Clear mind

But when you did what you did, I wanted to scream
I wanted to kick you and yell
                                 Shut up!
Stop holding me down
Stop pulling my sides
Stop kicking my heart

You stepped passed the line
And though I thought I was in a state of
Acceptance with this drunken reality,
I wasn’t
And this time there was no
     Trip to the moon
As my escape route

I don’t know whether it was the cloud of goodbyes
Or the hits of hello that shook me awake
But I know that, now,
I am lost
And the numbers of understanding are lacking


I know
You’re innocent
And
You meant no harm
              ….Or did you?


Just
Give me the key to this ball and chain
So that I can live
What they call,
                A life

Maybe I should just delete my Xanga

Le Bec Hell Week

Les Entrees

Esprit frit
Mind served on a large plate, steamed in confusion, stress, and lack of sleep. Then Fried to perfection in Rec juice and Players love.

Soup Du Jour
Anything the day brings.

Les Plats Principaux

Coeur Bourré
Heart filled with stage fright, dance steps, artistic license, and the Chefs specialty MIS MIS GEH

L'homme de théâtre Bu
Thespian saturated in alcohol. Served with pretzels, water, and steaming sexual urge.

Les Desserts

La gueule de bois de Souvenir
Artist hung for 3 hours with a red sauce containing hugs, fresh tears, and essence of sharpie.

The One Thing That Will Bridge the Gap Between My Xanga and My Blog

1. Open
2. Apparently, I look really different...
3. Set
   
4. Sharpies and resume paper anyone?
   
5. Knobs and screws
   
6. Hitting Snapples
   
7. Wreath
8. Squirting brown liquid
   
9. Waiting for it to spontaneously combust
   
10. Frapaccino in the winter?
11. You want a brownie?
12. Record time and cider that burnt my tongue.
13. Where's the stand?
    
14. mmmmm
15. "Once I read this passage, I stood back, stunned by the complexities of the sentences and the word choice which was heavily blanketing the image to the point of no visibility."
16. "Honkage"
17. "A plethora of dense images and metaphors were strung throughout this beautiful description, allowing me to see the boat as a devil steaming black smoke and thrashing through the water as if in a tempest."
18. "He described a large, lush oasis, filled to the rim with beautiful creatures and plants, as a chaotic yet empty and silent desert."
    
19. Persuasion
20. Close

Stench of Silence

Humorous isn’t it?
I say something through a laugh 
And you take it as a joke.

Oh yes, It reeks of humor.

I try
Try to say it 
But all I get is a hug and smile. 

It means more
Much more than it sounds 
But my mouth won’t put it into clearer terms
And it gets lost
In the borderline which blocks our connection 

Suddenly, words of importance are
              Meaningless
Exhaustion, steaming from their 
                             Overuse

I step back from their fumes 
And grin at my attempts
Which cover its hidden layers
The truth wreaking what cannot be said

And it is then, I notice
               my pitied silence

It just lost its luster

I was in 9th grade and my friend Meade had a study hall when I had lunch. "Don't worry" She said, "I'll still have lunch with you. My study hall is with Pete." My ears perked up. "Pete?"
"Yeah, Pete. You know, the photo guy?"
"Oh yeah" I replied reluctantly, Remembering that I was a tid bit scared of going in there as a freshmen. "Come on!" Meade said, and off we went down to Springside from are too-close-for-comfort hallways up on the third floor.

I went in and automatically I knew that I was an idiot for even thinking of being scared of this awesome place. Pete would welcome you as if his kingdom of photo was a playground and kids wouldn't care who you were or what grade you were in. There were no censors in this room. You could say whatever you wanted and no one would yell at you, and if they did it was to share an opinion, not give out a D-form. You felt like an equal at that table complete with drawings of penises, hearts, and your average weed smoker; and it was glorious! I found myself hanging out in that room every second I could get. But now, that's not the case.

Today, I find myself visiting when I can, but only if necessary. The room has changed, and into something I don't like, I'm afraid to say. It first started last year with Pete's potential loss of his job. He was to be evaluated and we were all worried since we knew Pete was such an out of the box character. Then as the year progressed his worry turned to anxiety and eventually to depression. There were some definite nudges to this path of sadness, but I'm not here to point fingers, I'm here to tell the story.

Eventually, the year ended and, in Pete's case, on a sad and tired note. Every summer I would leave the Photo room, upset that I wouldn't have it for 3 months but this summer was different. I was quite excited to leave that room. I could go off and do anything because I had found myself. I thought that this summer could give me time for freedom while giving Pete some time to figure out what was going on. But when I came back from the most amazing summer of my life Pete was still depressed and the room had turned from its original, dirty self to a linoleum clean and plastic cold. No longer was the smell of developer in the air, but dry erase markers, and fluorescent lighting replaced it. The first moment I walked in after the change, I knew it wasn't home.

Don't ask me what happened because, to tell you the truth, I have no clear answer. It's just changed. Some how the role of the scared 9th grader and the wise and wonderful teacher switched. Suddenly, I'm the comfortable person who knows who she is, looking down on a confused kid searching for guidance. The tables turned and I tried to help, everyone tried to help but it was no use. Eventually we all had to leave. Each one of his loyal friends had to find a new photo room with the lax vibe of procrastination and acceptance. It's sad. It was something beautiful that was dying slowly and as much as you didn't want to watch it, you had to. Not because you enjoyed the site of pain and suffering but because you had respect for it and by watching its last sparks of original life shooting up, it would give you hope for its honor that once lived. To this day people still wander back to the room, hoping to see those sparks fly again. But they wont. All they'lll see is the meandering of pointless beings trying to help what has already died.

Love those lines. . . ?

"Lina, you totally just crossed the line!" Recently, I have been crossing the line which does not seem to be approved by anyone. Though I may only do it out of jest, I seem to always be repressed by my line- shall we say "cross-age." Many of these things are "inappropriate" and possibly "vulgar" and yet these blatant warning signs do not deter me from my goal, a possible laugh. But little do we know. . .

Though it may seem that I say an "over the line" joke to hear a laugh or two, if you think about it, it is much more than that. Lines surround everything. setting up barriers and making sure to keep everything inside, in, and everything outside, out. Sometimes it's ok to break the barriers. "Don't fit the mold, make your own." That's what I always say. And yet there are plenty of times when I am thankful or wishful for barriers. Barriers though they can be restrictive, prevent confusion and chaos. When there are barriers you know what's right and what's wrong, but when there are none or they are "unclear" another game goes into play. Suddenly confusion hits the players and greed or jealousy rids the team. No one is civil anymore and you world is thrown into chaos. Confused, you look around for that line you so recently crossed, and yet. . .it's gone.

What do you do now? Your recent bravery in crossing the line has turned to fear and you're beginning to question what the point was. If your possible endpoint is fear within chaos, why would you ever cross the line in the first place? Yet your fear of possible chaos is quickly balanced with the possible greatness, bravery, or reward.

Alright line, what the fuck? Why are you there? Are you there to be crossed? Or shall I obey your laws to keep my sanity? It's confusing and there isn't an answer. All you can do is live, whether safely within the lines, constantly crossing them, or going back and forth between the two. I guess all you can gather from this stream of consciousness is that life is meant to be ambiguous. So it's ok to be confused. It's ok to be stressed. It's ok to be done with life. But just remember, it's meant to be that way. So relax. Take a breath. And take the next step.

Song of Jealousy

She blushes
As her hidden beauty shows itself
For a brief moment

A breath of resentment fills my body
She’s better than you
          It tells me
She’s better

Suddenly, the feeling of
          The spotlight’s warmth
                     Disappears

                             Accept it
          The breath tells me
Accept it

Resigning to the darkness
Chills consume my body
And sadness takes my mind


     I’m jealous



    . . . . She’s more than amazing
She deserves it
More than I

Slowly,
My mind fills with excuses in defense
And all you see is me

Raw
Shivering
    In the Spotlight

Update (part duex)

umm, who fixed it? OH, I think I did!

Update

Here's a plus: I found out how to do indenting on blogs. MY POEMS ARE SAVED! Now. . . Here's the minus: stupid thing makes the print real small. I WILL CONQUER YOU BLOGGER! I will. ::squints eyes like Clint Eastwood::

My Wall

Tall 
Broad, and wide 
It stands erect for the attacks

Letting it’s shape be known 
It surrounds me and I feel safe
                                Secure
                Nothing can get past my bricks

Day by Day 
By Day by
Day 

It absorbs the surroundings,
The allies, the enemies.
Defending.
Helping.

It’s bricks begin wear down-
But I assume that it will stand strong 
 I ignore the chips and let my feelings of security carry on



But eventually all things turn to rubble 


In the dark of night, when
No one is looking,
I count the chips, each scratch in it‘s place.
It’s then that I realize my bricks have fallen.
And it’s then that I realize
all that’s left
   Are my pebbles of guilt.

An attempt to put summer in writen form

God. summer. where has it gone? One minute it's June 15th and your ready for a fresh start and the next minute its August 22nd and your rubbin your neck from the wiplash that summer gave you.
Summer was fucking amazing this year. It first started with the graduation parties and taking in every single moment with the seniors. Suddenly you feel that same wiplash. One second they're at their house where you can always call them EVEN THOUGH you probably wont, and then the next second they're literally AT COLLEGE and you missed that last goodbye. A small part of me is still sulking in the corner, whining for more time with those great kids; but a HUGE part of me is so excited for them and their new chapter in their lives. Not to mention I am going to see these kids again because i really feel beyond connected with them, so from now on i am converting all my 'goodbye''s to 'cya later''s.
Next mile stone was Creation, the most rejuvinating, original, spiritual, inspirational, freeing and FUN experience i've ever had in my LIFE. God i miss the tent, the dirt linse, the concerts, the walking, the food, and the jokes. I long to have one last "awkward bus cheer" with all of us together. But a las a lack I will just have to wait till next year. . .or maybe the next burn party. I think all the kids know how freaking amazing that experience was and that words can not even embody how great it was. so i will end this paragraph with one phrase "Phill Friggin' Keaggy" . . . nuff said.
After maybe a weeks rest from jesus camp, i went to goucher. Ugh, Goucher, I LOVE YOU! There will never be another place like goucher. People can try and recreate the relationships, the jokes, and the learning but that's all they can do, TRY. One thing that seperates goucher from anything was it included my first love, dance. I was challenged and i saw myself improve greatly from both amazing teachers and great friends. OH THE FRIENDS! i felt so comfertable, understood, and loved from those people and i will always carry them and that feeling of completness with me whereever i go. They touched me, and not in a nasty , "CRAZY" way, which includes the phrase "sexy beast" but in the most original and creative way that friends can.
After a week of me rubbing my muscels and trying not to move a lot, my next mile stone was DeSales. Oh DeSales. This camp lies in a special place in my heart. It was here where i saw my improvement be inforced and embellished with personality. Suddenly i was catching my mistakes and correcting them, not to mention picking up combinations more quickly, and not worrying about messing up. This was not only because i was confident but i was beyond supported by the great people at DeSales. We roughed through so much together. Whether it was a death of a family member or the drunk beer pong playing, shakespeare people; we stuck together and became a group of crazy dancers who didnt care what the world thought of us. DeSales will forever be remembered as the place of flies, asians, and friends for life.
After DeSales I mubeled around for a weekend and then went to possibly the dorkiest but awesome camp imaginable. Yes, im talking about Kayak Camp. So i was 17 and the age range was from 12-16. I DIDNT CARE! cause i was there with, cody, rayen, steven, eian, andrew(who looked oddly like zac braff), my girl jayne, and the two coolest kayak instructers on the face of the planet: joe and jeff. It was with these people that i was challenged in a beyond fun way. Part of me was like 'CAROLINA don't look like a wimp! carry those kayaks' or 'PADDLE BITCH PADDLE' and part of me was like 'YAY CAMP WITH YOUNGIN'S i love it!' so it was an odd mix of muscels and playin' hit the car with the plum that mom packed.
Since then I have been chartering between the beach house and my various friends. Whether at birthday parties for camp friends where i only know one person (PARKIE) and leaving with 15 new friends, having an INTENSLY stereotypical sleepover with hannah, ellie, heather, and kels, or just a one on one silliness and a movie, not to mention DRIVES, with simone. Even though i know the school year is riding up my tail, i am still living my days as though i have a month left of summer. So please, no one pinch me because i dont want to wake up and find myself sitting with the giblinator going over y = mx + b for the 43rd time.

Summer, you friggin' ROCK!


and we're done

Lingering

Listening to your song 
I drift into my dream 

Being held by your arms
Being wooed by your charms 
And hearing you whisper 
   Once again 

If only I could walk those 56 miles 
To feel your presence 
And absorb your warmth 

Leave the memories of our past 
Only to create a present 
Together 
With you

Why was it that
Time was measured by a sporadic clock of
Long and short tics?
Only to create a ending of sudden stops 

Was it only yesterday?
you kissed my lips
And my world melted

Was it only yesterday?
We joked of stupid sayings
And laughed till it hurt to smile 

When the end came so abruptly 
All I could say was goodbye 
When secretly I wanted to linger
One last time 

In your arms
In your breath 
In your heart

Not just some lame jesus camp

As I stare at my green Creation band that lies on my desk I wonder “can I ever get it back?” Its been a full 4 days since I’ve left Creation and I just took off the band which let me enter such an amazing place. Everything about it was so glorious. Somewhere between the lights, the music, the jokes, the heat, the smoothies and the spigot you realize that this is more than just some lame Jesus camp.
I try to explain to others the magnitude of such an experience. I try to give a taste of the music, share some of the jokes, and breakdown each and every amazing moment I had at Creation but it never works out. It’s as if I was standing at the edge of an infinite abyss and trying to give an estimate on how deep it was. You just can’t.
At first I thought that it was gonna be weird and I’m not gonna lie, first band, I thought “what have I gotten myself into?” but then Relient K and Switchfoot came and the lookof amazement struck my face. “I could do anything now” I thought for the high of Christian Rock pulsated through my veins. Soon the concert ended and the magic trickled away. “NO” I thought, “I want more.” Little did I know that Ellie, the bringer of all things good, had other plans in store.
Ellie opened me like a kid opening a present on Christmas day. Not only did she take me to Creation in the first place but she took me to Starfield. And it was here where I opened myself completely. In this yellow tent of worshipers I found myself, once again, worrying what people were gonna think about me if I raised my hands or sang along to songs I’d never heard. But I took a breath and looked around and there was Ellie smiling that gosh darn giddy smile of hers and I realized that Creation wasn’t about what others thought. It was about something totally bigger than you, something that though you’ve never seen it or touched it, you pay tribute to it and somehow out of all the craziness in the world: the love, the war, the wack-os and the dulls; you find yourself at Creation in a happy medium where everything makes total sense. And it clicked when I went to Starfield, it clicked when I sang “revolution“ and “all for you.” Yea, I was singing to god and that’s something that I don’t really do a lot. But it was ok because I was comfortable in this yellow tent because I felt bonded and united with everyone. I wasn’t one lonely person trudging through life, I was a part of a group and we had presence and love and that’s something that society can‘t destroy.
The next 3 days were spent in an amazing oasis of inside jokes, moments, praying, singing, dancing, and being free. Not one part of me was tied back by homework or college or boys; I was completely free. I was bounding around Mt. Union with 3 amazing people; one of them I knew quite well and the other two were complete strangers. I found myself happier than ever with these strangers and I treasured every moment with them. Why else would I write all our inside jokes down and post them on my Xanga.
But eventually the 4 days of concerts ended. And the jokes and the laughing and the singing had to stop. I will never forget what happened there whether it’s a joke or a revelation. Creation changed me and I’m not gonna lie, I’m proud of it. I know that people expected me to come back changed into some kind of Jesus freak. And yes I am a bit more religious now, but there is no doubt in my mind that more than just my beliefs changed at Creation. And for that I am eternally grateful to Ellie, to M.J., to Jeff, to Caitlin, to Chris, to Matt, to the bands, to the speakers, to Creation, and to God.

Thank you.

>>>Creation '05

my creative juices are low . . .

. . . sad day

My Untouchable Void

Empty, 
I sit at my desk 
Staring at the
Blank page

I long to be like the others
Producing, 
Expressing. 

My opinions beg to be shared
But the abyss grows 
As I keep time with my pencil
One tap at a time

Tears leak from my eyes 
as its overwhelming hollowness
Consumes me

I call 
But they wont come
I reach 
But they’re too far

So I’m left alone 

Stretching,
Towards my untouchable 
     Void

10,000 Miles

10,000 miles
by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Fare thee well
My own true love
Farewell for a while
Im going away
But Ill be back
Though I go 10,000 miles

10,000 miles
My own true love
10,000 miles or more
The rocks may melt
And the seas may burn
If I should not return

Oh dont you see
That lonesome dove
Sitting on an ivy tree
Shes weeping for
Her own true love
As I shall weep for mine

Oh come ye back
My own true love
And stay a while with me
If I had a friend
All on this earth
Youve been a friend to me

To Have You

I went in with 
Confusion
    and passion 

But I spoke
And you listened 
I cared 
    and you soothed

We conversed 
As I described 
   where I went wrong

"it’s ok"
   You assure
   Easing my uncertainty
 with your blanket of words

   Immediately, 
 I absorb your warmth 
  As the layers surround
Enveloping my soul


How lucky I am
to have your truth
How I lucky I must be 


To have you

Unwanted Pain

Choking
I gasp for air 

In your presence it kicks
But in your absence it moans 

I feel it
         wherever
          whenever

It stings
And burns 
But I persist through the hurt

It slowly kills
Dominating my insides
Consuming my core 

I can’t breath

I want this beautiful malice
But-- it digs
slowly at my gut
Chunk churning chunk churning 
              Chunk 

Why must it subside in my system?
This disease
This cancer

This
Unwanted pain

The Bobble Head Doll Story

Her day was hell. Tired, Carolina walked home, thankful that she didn’t have to endure one more second of Mrs. Rock’s English class. Lately, Carolina hated English. Mrs. Rock was tired from grading papers, so she was in a bad mood. Today she was particularly annoyed. She had given a pop quiz and Carolina knew before she took it that she would fail. It wasn’t enough that English was her hardest class but now, she had an F looming over her. Deciding to ignore the quiz, she went about her as usual, hoping that a good night sleep would get her mind off things.
The next morning, Carolina opened her eyes groggily to find herself not in her room. She went to move her legs but they were stuck together then her arms but they were buckled in muscular position. Carolina began to panic. The room looked strangely familiar and yet she couldn’t put her finger on where she was. Confused, she looked around the room her head bouncing as it turned. “it couldn’t be” she thought “this looks exactly like. . . My English room.” The clown hung, watching from its former guard tower and the posters of Shakespeare were illuminated by the same florescent light. “Yes, it was the headquarters of Mrs. Rock.”
Suddenly, she heard the doorknob creak and Carolina stiffened. Mrs. Rock slowly entered the room, acknowledging each item as a mother to her children. “First period!” thought Carolina, “11th grade!” Carolina went to wiped the sweat from her head but was quickly reminded that she was locked, frozen, in a plastic position.
The Class gradually filed in, each wondering if Mrs. Rock would be in a cheerier mood opposed to the previous class. Carolina questioned why they didn’t see her. “I’m sitting on her desk.” she thought, “how can they NOT see me?”
“Alright guys, we’re discussing Metamorphosis. Girls versus boys.” announced Mrs. Rock.
The room quickly bustled with whispers and sexual sighs. Then, Mrs. Rock started towards Carolina, getting larger at every step. “Oh no” worried Carolina, “What’s she gonna do?” And at that moment, Mrs. Rock raised her hand and bounced it several times on Carolina’s head. Soon her head began to nod up and down; and at that moment she knew, she was Mrs. Rock’s “The Rock” bobble head doll.

----------------------------

so I wrote this story for English. Mrs. Rock gave me a B+ with the comment "You are indeed an odd one"

Heaven . . .

Stop
Think
      Confusion 

Can I read what’s
Inside?

I dig at the dirt 
But only to find 
Another layer

Do I proceed?
Can I proceed?

I hesitate at the ambiguity 
Frightened of what
might
be there

I long to know
But fear to find out 

Still,
I press on-
Feeling through the dark 
At the agitated bumps

It itches
Scratches 
Chafes

And I realize

My ignorance 
         Was heaven

Digested Arrogance

Proud 
I Stand over
My sink of compliments

I smile at
The frothy, boiling
vat
Content with my greatness

One by One
I gather my elements of boast 
Looking over 
Every one with care

“wonderful”

I stare at all the facts 
Laid in their specific piles 

Boil 
To simmer
To nothing 

I grab at each of my 
Compliments 
But they melt
       Away

I realize

My superiority 
Evaporated

What it's become

So basically my blog has turned into this creative little corner AKA my poetry booklet. And you know what?
i love it!

In Search of Time

Organized
Blocks of time
Each filled with 
A measured amount.

Block 5
Block 6
Block 7
Block 8

Each packed
With its Maps
And ‘To Do Lists’

Tired,
I see the end
But it’s not 
     Close enough

I ache for time
Reaching toward a break 
In the rush  

But I can’t

Pause 
Breath 
Next step

A Poem

Standing aside
I can’t help but cry
Caught up in your sadness

I see you lost
In agony

I want to help

As Your wall
Your aid
Your friend

I long to release you
From your hurt
Your pain

I reach to support
But you turn away

There’s nothing I can do
Nothing I can say

All I can do
Is let you know


I am here.

loss

loss, that’s one word that nails what the past two weeks have felt like.

It all started with players. as u all know i am a devout player through and through. whether it be set or acting i am always there to have a presence because players is my home and family and u can never replace that.
In the beginning i didn’t like the play. i never got much stage time, or so i thought, and i had no lines. then i came to set. "who fucking cares about lines!" i would think "you have set" me, ellie, hannah, and heather would get our act together and stroll down to the rec every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday to show the boys that we weren’t girly (even though me and heather both knew we were men since the start of chambers. . cough).
After my introduction to set i sat back and watched myself grow. WHO KNEW i could climb the scaffolding and hang a curtain and WHO KNEW that i could lift up and move a platform, i didn’t. Suddenly i was Set Girl In Training taking on heathers spot after she leaves. And as S.G.I.T. became well known so did the beast crew of me ellie and Hannah. i finally knew what a screw was and i finally knew what to do on at strike after the play was over. it was awesome. not only was i bonding even more with my players family i was growing in a way i never knew i could.
Then as play came together and i realized that i actually had a decent role. first there was the additional stage time as well as the awesome costume that i loved and will miss. "THIS PLAY IS GOING TO BE AWESOME" i would think. and i was right.
Opening night came and there was a serenity to the green room. for some reason we were all somber and not as excited as we were for other shows. i almost missed it. but then as the cast gathered to listen to Coach, Blenum, Smith, and VR's speeches i thought "im ok with this" it was ok to be ready to go on stage (even though some of us didn’t feel that way and was always up for perfecting their character . . .hal).
Opening night was a breeze as was Friday. It went by slow but at the same time in an instant. I cherished ever moment of hell week and the performance nights. i even felt accepted at the board sleepover. it was winding down in such a beautiful way.
And then came Saturday. It was raining and I remember listening to Blenum’s speech, recounting all her plays that she had done with the seniors. I almost got teary but then I thought “im not gonna cry, I never cry” but then came VR’s speech and a balled. All of a sudden I realized that these beautiful people that I had idealized and loved are leaving. For awhile I was ignorant to this fact, thinking that this time would never come. But the time was here and I was ready to confront it and I just cried, hugging ever person I could find but making sure not to destroy mr Vr’s make up masterpiece on my face.
The show was a blast. Or as steve-o would say “WE FUCKING BEASTED IT.” and he was right we were amazing. The cast party came and It was awesome. Once again I sat there in awe of my family. Having joe, steve and especially mike get their pins. I just sat there proud that I knew them, proud that I was in their presence. And then sitting there and watching tilman, mads, jeff and heather get roses. It was just awe-inspiring.
Then came the funnies. I had finally gotten what I dreamed of “the big mac” award. Ok so I wasn’t planning on me getting it this year but finally I was recognized for my “pimpett”-ness. This was fallowed by the awesome cast party. I got to spend some last fun moments with my seniors buds. . .ok so I had to leave early and most of my time was stuck talking to poor drunk jon but that’s ok. I had fun anyway.
Then came Sunday strike. I was ok for the first few hours. I was happy and over the whole idea that they were leaving. I had my cry and I was ok now. But then the seniors lined up to get hugs and I went to heather and Madeline and I cried. My idols, my best friends, my loves are leaving and I might not see them for but a brief moment in the future. I’m not sure if they know this now but they should. Heather, Madeline, ever since I was in 7th grade I have looked up to u and though it doesn’t seem that way. I have wanted to be as dazzling as u guys are in players. I love you.
Madeline I will never forget u . . . and ur fake boobs. whether as alice in wonderland, a dancer in a red dress, or just as my amazing friend; You have always been there for me. I don’t know how I would have done this year without you and I love you for it.
Heather. . . What can I say. Your like my big sister. Your performance as joan amazed me as well as others showing us that u can step out of that realm of heather and become someone else. So I kick you . . . and I love you more than chocolate, I love you more than cheese, and I love you more than that rock over there. And heather don’t tell gabe but I LOVE YOU MORE THAN GABE! I will always remember you and always love you
And its not only these two girls its mike who has always been my bud and best friend. Who I can always rock out and pop a lock with. Its Greg who I can sit back in awe of his popage lockage and set-ness. Its Jeff with his amazing acting and hilarious Harry potter loving self. Its Tillman who is FUCKING AMAZING on lights, set, and stage especially with his booming voice as the inquisitor! Its joe who I will always hit yet idealize as an acter, steve who will always be “classic“, its doris who is my lover and will always be my BRICKED UP WINDOW, OPEN WINDOW. . . Its jon who it will always be akward but hot. its wyn, monty, danny, brian, hal, clags, mary, and jonny z. ITS ALSO NOT ONLY THE PLAYERS its kelsey whos a strong part of my life and the pit O WAIT the pit is my life . . . thats not a butt. and its maggie whos will always care and annie who will always be amazingly nice no matter what. and its lucy the amazing assembly board leader, and its andy, and pete, and gabe ATOWN! and its chrissy, and it anna, and GOSH IF I FORGET ANYONE IM SO SORRY! they all have affected me in some way and I love them for it.
so I left the rec feeling such a huge loss. And now I (as well as gabe) go around the school moping. We walk down the hall or in the library thinking “its so empty” if only I could spend the rest of my life with these beautiful people. Because you all inspire me 100% and I love you all.
So as you can see in these past 2 weeks I have felt nothing but loss. It ok eventually ill come to terms with the lack of players and seniors and be the emblem for other un shore juniors along the way but now I have to walk those final steps of the process and become what iv always wanted to be like. The seniors.

emotional right now

You leave
And I turn in the darkness
Leaking droplets of salt

I want you to want me
I want what we could have
I want that
connection


We click
We combine
And make something
Strong
Warm
Alive

You leave
And I long to embrace
Grabbing at lost time

We could have something
Vibrant

And yet

We can’t
We wont

And I’m left
Alone
In the darkness

YES!

HIP HOP CLUB = FREAKING AWESOME. WE ROCKED IT LIKE NON OTHER!

so holler to . . .
mike who grew like non other from the first hh club rehersal till now
greg who still rocks my socks with his amazing moves
kalila who is going to be my next heather buddy lol
and my otro mastermind and amazing choreographer/ AMAZING DANCER . . .laurice

LOVE U GUYS
WE POPED THEIR LOCKS like a mofo in a trashcan!

P-Rom FINAL!

Prom Checklist

Date. . . CHECK
Dress . . . CHECK
Shoes . . . CHECK
Nails . . . CHECK
Braces . . . o wait? NO CHECK

Getting sick 2 days before prom? . . . wait AWWW. . . CHECK

Prama . . . CHECK
Limo complete with new york driver . . . CHECK
Friends galor . . . CHECK

AN AWESOME TIME AT BOB'S, PROM, AND GABE'S . . . . DEFINATE CHECK!

I'm feeling the L-O-V-E

hey guys its random and late but i feel like i should tell you guys this.

I Love You.

and this is no mushy, lame, jokie, so-so LOVE YOU. this is the real deal. in the past few days i have felt nothing but love from everyone i walk by. even some ppl who i dont get along with have complimented me. its totally awesome and refreshing to know that you count and are loved.

so thank you tillman, thank you gabe, thank you PIT (kelsey and heather), thank you ellie, thank you hannah and carolina too, thank you anna, thank you greg, thank you mike, thank you jon, thank you annie, thank you maggie, thank you madaline, thank you basically to all seniors lol, thank you mom, casey, dad, and the rest of the family, thank you teachers, god so many just made me feel loved today and well i dont have enough room let a lone time to write all the ppl. so thanks guys.

I Love You Too!

PS. to all those i thanked your getting a dance with the top popper of locks at prom aka THE LINANATOR!

P-Rom 3

Prom Checklist

Date. . . CHECK
Dress . . . CHECK
Shoes . . . CHECK
Nails . . . half a check
Braces . . . o wait? NO CHECK

Getting sick 2 days before prom? . . . wait AWWW. . . CHECK

a story that should be spread throughout the world

Once upon a time there was a goat named billy. Billy had a good life he got good grades and had lots of friends but one thing he didn’t have was a date to the prom. Billy was sad. He had liked this hippo named Hannah but he was always shy and always developed a burping disorder whenever she was around. But one day he got the nerve to ask Hannah to prom. Hannah was ecstatic. She had liked billy since she saw his interpretive dance at the cabaret and was beyond willing to go. “sure” Hannah agreed and the date was set. The night was going to be magical. They arrived in their stretch limo looking fantabulous and ready to have a good night. BUT THEN as they walked through the doors billy realized that he couldn’t dance. Billy was so nervous that he began to sweat like a dog. Hannah noticed and asked billy if was ok. “im fine” billy croaked but he knew that the night was going to be a disaster. Eventually everyone arrived and the dance started. “COME ON” urged Hannah “its get low, my favorite song”. Billy didn’t know what to do so he got up and headed to the dance floor, hoping that amazing dancing abilities would come to him as he walked . . . but nothing came, and billy danced. In the end he ended up scaring everyone at prom including Hannah the hippo who dumped him, all his friends shunned him and his parents ended up disowning him.

The obvious moral of the story is to not be like billy but to know how to dance before u go to any special occasions ESPECIALLY prom. So come to hip hop club.

THANK YOU ::takes a bow::

An Entertainer's Life

Ugh what have I become? I go online, check my Xanga for comments, check my Blog for comments, check my friend's Blogs and Xangas to see if they updated. That’s maybe 15 minutes to an hour (depending on what I read) wasted. Then I go off, do other things; talk online, read, eat. I do all this until I decide to go back online. To do what? check Xangas and check Blogs.

I’ve become a junkie, an internet journal junkie. Its sad that the first thing I click when I go to sit at the computer is my browser for my Xanga site. What am I going to see? "Lets see if anyone commented" I think. COMMENTED! Carolina you checked 45 minutes ago! How could someone possibly have commented. It’s sad. It really is sad. I should really stop. I just wait to see peoples reactions, their praise. I shouldn‘t need this. I should be doing it, to do it, for me, not for other people. . .

But at the same time I have an excuse or rather, not an excuse but a passion. I am an entertainer. Those of you in Springside know; I yearn for my Monday morning spotlight to make people laugh. It used to be because I wanted people to come to the club, but now its become something more. Something that I want to do for fun. I want to make them laugh, make them happy.

This isn’t a bad thing. I think this is just something that I have come to realize. I guess I felt that I should write it, maybe post it on my Blog, try to impact someone. Knowing me I will check my Blog even more, just to see your reaction. It’s sad, the life of a performer, always doing for others. But in one instance it’s worth it, a little slice of heaven here on earth; all because you made them laugh, or cry, or. . think. You impacted them and that’s when suddenly that life, that sad life of show becomes a Broadway production. You have succeeded in effecting. And in the end you did it. You did it for them. You did it for you.

family

bonding with the family can sometimes be annoying and u think "god when am i going back to school" but then there are times where ur just like "wow my family's awesome"

im in arizona and im rocking it with my family. there are points where i want to kill them but there are some deffinite good times; and for that i love them.

take that risk!

if its what you want to do? DO IT! As eleanor roosevelt said "do one thing everyday that scares you."

SHE SPEEKS THE TRUTH! its something to live by. i understand that people can be shy, but if you dont move from square one how are you ever going to get to square ten? im writing this hopfully to inspire some of you. some of you are great people with amazing talents and personalities. but u back away. F%#* IT! dont be scared and dont worry. in the end everything will be fine. Even if this sceary thing is very little. one day you will be able to do something very big.

i kno for a fact because i used to be self concious and shy all the time. I KNOW! LINA? SHY? GOD read my middle school diary, its vile. BUT one day i decided to take a small risk and now im really not afraid as much. Dont be afraid of what might happen because if its something u truly want to do then good will ALWAYS come out of it.

you should all just have a session with my mom. god if i hear the college lecture one more time "carolina if the college that you want to go to doesnt accept u; then its not the college for you. you dont want to go to a college that doesnt want u there" its that kind of thinking that pulls me through things and help me take those "big leaps" everyday.

yes there are terratories that i have yet to venture in my life, bring it on. im ready. and its sad when i see people who arent ready. i want to help them realize that it will be alright. but i cant do it for them, its something they have to do for themselves. if you fail a test or paper is that really going to effect your life in the long run? no i dont think so. its that kind of thinking that i wanna help some of u realize.

i feel like im preaching but the world has SO MUCH to offer, if only you could step past your doorway.

i dont kno if this update will make a difference. but judging by the other blog entries i feel it was needed.

P-Rom 2

PROM CHECK LIST

Date . . . . CHECK
Dress . . . . CHECK
Shoes . . . . CHECK

the PIT society

So today im reading my usual blogs and i come to my last one. kelseys and she writes about the homework load WHICH i totally agree but heres part of wat she said:

"Or maybe all of the tecahers gather together after school and plan humungous loads of homework together just to see us suffer. Either way I think my worst project is by far my Gov project: Create the perfect society. Write a preamble and a constitution to your perfect society. Who does that? I mean honestly I'll just pull that out of my back pocket over the weekend!"

so i decided to post on blog and help her out.

"heres ur gov paper

PERFECT SOCIETY

name: THE PIT

laws:
-kelsey, heather, and lina are always the best.
-never go higher than middle C unless written in music.
-always eat cereal bars on the way down to SS after chambers
- always pop ur booty ESPECIALLY when either A) when u are imitating missy elliot or B) dancing to i like the way u move.
-must belt "hey" ESPECIALLY when u see each other or you have the option of saying PIT
-must be hot

preamble:
we the PIT in order to for a more perfect PIT estabish the PEOPLE IN TUNE and PITNITY. provide for the commen PIT. promote the gereal PIT and secure the blessings of the PIT and the diggers and dougherty. Do ordain and establish the laws up above for the PIT of LAURELI!



my god am i good"


that last bit. . . .its sooo right

masters recital

MY GOD THE MASTERS RECITAL ROCKED! i hit my dance dead on and just as i was getting in place for my second dance i thought "GOD this is why i love to dance" it was deffinitly a moment. YAY FOR MOMENTS and YAY FOR DANCING

P-Rom

Prom check list:

Date. . . . CHECK

the pain of dancing

hmm ok so i was dancing tonight. deperatly trying to speed choreograph my dance for the masters recital and im all into it right? like i had just did the middle section all right, it fit with the music and EVERYTHING. and well u see theres this part where i melt down slowly and then with the drums i slice my arms up sharply. only i was so into it that i hit my hand on the stupid trunk thing in the room. now ur thinking carolina why in the world are you dancing in a room with firnature in it. I CANT HELP IT! my butt parents wont let me move crap out of that room or any room for that matter and have it be a dance room. UGH those poos. oh well my hand still hurts like a mofo and i got an uber deep cut from slaming it so hard. im sure that if u were there ud laugh ur head off cause i like freaked out did a little jigg to the couch where i collapsed holding my hand then while crying obsenities i stumbled my way to the kitchen for a water bottle to place on my hand like ice. i wanted to cry but i was strong. lol.

the things i go through for dance.

the P word

prom is awesome. prama is not or rather lack there of and getting interested in others prama. lol being dateless kinda sux but frankly it doesnt matter to me, er, at least . . . i dont think so. its more about the dancing for me. iv been boyless for awhile. this is nothing new. the idea of going with someone would be kinda cool but knowing me and my usual situations ill be going with a friend WHICH IS NOT BAD. but u see the guys are like I LIKE YOU. . .AS A FRIEND. and im like GOSH DARN U! he he SILLY BOYS lol and i love my guys no matter wat even if theyre just my friends.

tomarrow

"so guess what tomarrow is" i say to tillman as he plays a random arcade game. "umm its friday" "i KNOW!" This weeks been kinda long with some bonus points throughout but this friday is desperatly needed. Somewhere between the math tests, random intense homework assignments, double DRob periods and the freezing cold winds you think "god the weekend needs to come right now" im going to a play friday and then rocking out in NYC for some college hunting. ill be doing that AND hopfully still have time to choreograph my piece for the masters recital, go to players AND write an essay for rock. at least i dont have SATs. so thank you friday for being the end of the week and for finally getting here.

Friday, you rock.

good days

God today was a good day. just a genuinly good day. i was happy. friends with everyone. ok so there was a little dispute in 3rd period but that didnt stop me from having a good day. i bonded with my girls that i love so much aka THE PIT OH and jeff lol and they put me in a great mood much better a mood than mrs fournier would ever put me in. anyway yay for good days yay for friends and yay for life. i have to cherish this day because they come so rare in my life so SCORE!

I LOVE LIFE!

hmm i think it was 5

uh wait guys how many trophies did we win?
i
i think it was 5
yea around 4 or 5
wait lets count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
yea 5

WE ROCK

"its a pangia if you will. . . .oy with the poodles already"

"so there were these two muffins. . ."

"gosh darn you seatbelt sign"

ugh soo many more quotes just ask me

FLORIDA HOOOOO

im going to DISNEY WORLD
ok ok
so im not going to disney world but i always like saying that. RIGHT well in aproxamitly 8 hours we will be leaving from CHA to the airport to go to FLORIDA. 4 awesome days with the pit and the rest of chambers GOD I CANT WAIT. its gonna rock like a headbanger in an earthquake . . . . exactly. YA CHAMBERS LETS WIN IT!

Dance Off

on terms of dancing

Greg Carson oorrrrr ME

Greg Carson or Me

Greg . . . Me

GREG . . . .MEEE


hmmm
ill let u guys decide that one

the coolest

you kno what are the coolest?
Snow days

yea

theyre the coolest

winter ball . . .

ROCKED!
for the first time in my high school cereer the winter ball ROCKED
and for this i would like to thank

all seniors!

heavey snow jacket . . . . 35$

Plasma TV at school . . . . . free for me but 2560$ for school

finding out you get to go home early cause the bus doesnt want to drive on the "bad roads"
AND
getting no homework . . . . . priceles

i didnt really feel like dancing cause i was tired but then i did and it rocked and i rocked and well . . . yea it was awesome.

yay for feeling better AKA energized

BOO for everyone else being sick . . . . DID I GIVE IT TO EVERYONE? i prolly gave it to the PIT im sorry guys i love u

the story of my life

myyyyyyyyyy

bologna has a first name its O S C A R
my bologna has a sec ond name its

M A Y E R

ooooooooo
i like to eat it every day

and if they ask me i would
SAAAAYYY AAAAAAAAAYYYY AAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY

oscar mayer has a way with
B
O
L
O
G
N
A


::takes a bow::
thank you

AHH THE BOREDUM

CALL ME IM BORED!


215 850 1583

my coming of age film

life can be such a shit hole.

its like all those COMING OF AGE movies.

I. . . i feel like im in one. in a scary coming of age film. right in the middle of the climax too. that point where she knows that she has to be an adult but wants to be a kid still. she wants to do it herself but needs help and to be told what to do. its one fucking scary movie my friend, and im stuck in it. with its bad cliche plot and lines. "YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME" "I FEEL SO ALONE" god when the words come out of your mouth. you sit there and you're like . . .
"shit, theyre all right."

its annoying too. when theyre right. cause you want it to be special like youre the only one whos going through this. like no one understands how you feel. but im sure that almost every teenager is going through about the same kind of thing i am.

there should be a support group. a vent group. a place where we could go and share our ideas and be like.
"GOD. LIFES A BUTT."
a place to work things out. see clearly as to what the next step is.

there should be a handbook. to life, i mean. ugh now that would be great. all the answers in a 267 page paperback book. you would come to a situation in life and say "oh god i dont kno how to deal with this. what page is peer pressure on?" . . . now that would be nice.

HECK. if theres a handbook. you should just have a personal trainer. a life trainer, to help you with everything and anything. if you've got a question your LT will have an answer.

ahh yes but all these are dreams. and part of life is the journey . so strap on your boots and prepare to get muddy
cause its life
and its gonna get messy.

ow. . . .YAY

ouch im sore . . .

but the pain is so worth it.

dancing 10 hours a day this weekend

ugh
amazing

i love dancing

THE MOST INTENSE BLOG UPDATE YOU WILL EVER READ IN YOUR KNOWN LIFE. ITS SAD, EARTH SHATTERING, AND BEAUTIFUL. AFTER U READ IT U WILL CRY!

damn was i funny today


. . . .night!

my mom.....he he

my silly mom and her hidden sexual jokes. shes so great and i love her so much.

ok ok heres some examples.

i just woke up after bein at the heathers the night before and, of course, my mom wants to kno all the gossip and how was it and everything. so what does she say? "so carolina, whos doing who?" . . . i just sat there as she freaked out saying "I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT! IT CAME OUT WRONG!". TOO FUNNY! another time was when i got home from dance and i was talking about how i always pick long monologues and that are hard to memorize. so my mom says "yup thats my lina she likes em LONG AND HARD". . . "MOM?!" "what?. . . O GOD! NO I DIDNT MEAN TO!"


this is who i live with and i love it.

the spoon story

you see the other day my mom was makin bownies and i was like "mom i call licking the bowl". so later im upstairs doin homework when suddenly my mom comes up with a bowl in one hand and the mixer in the other. i imidiatly start to lick the mixer but as soon as i got to the bowl i realized that u cant lick the bowl with a mixer (now u guys gotta keep in mind that i dont mean literally LICKING THE BOWL i mean eating the rest out with a spoon) 'i need a spoon.' i cried. " AW MAN im gonna have to go downsrairs." but then i thought to myself "wait carolina didnt you have yogert before u went to dance? and didnt u place the spoon u used in ur jacket pocket?" so i reached inside my pocket to find non other than THE SPOON. it made my day. the power of pulling that spoon out of my pocket and automaticlly diving it into the brownie mix. UGH SO AMAZING!



its the little things in life

:( the sequal

::looks at xanga::

yea that pretty much sums it up

:(

sometimes u just need some feel good music . . . .

I am a mountain.
I am a tall tree.
Oh I am a swif wind sweeping the country.
I am river down in the valley.
Oh I am a vision, I can see clearly.
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it
I’m the worlds greatest*m
I’m that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it, mm
I’m the worlds greatest.

I am a giant.
I am a egale.
Oh I am a lion down in the jungle
I am a marching band
I am the people
I am heavin’ head
I am a hero
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it
I’m the worlds greatest
I’m that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I’m the worlds greatest.

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it
I’m the worlds greatest
I’m that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I’m the worlds greatest.

Ohh
I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it
I’m the worlds greatest
I’m that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I’m the worlds greatest.

I’m that star up in the sky
I’m that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it
I’m the worlds greatest
I’m that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I’m the worlds greatest.



now i feel better

umm yea this pretty much sums it up . . .

GFS NIGHT= FUCKING AMAZING

me and meadies crazyness

FubbyflamingoSPR: that was scarey
Sellotapequeen: ?
FubbyflamingoSPR: i was signing off
FubbyflamingoSPR: and then i was like
FubbyflamingoSPR: SHIT
FubbyflamingoSPR: MEADIE
FubbyflamingoSPR: noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FubbyflamingoSPR: and i clicked that scarey butten
FubbyflamingoSPR: sign on again
FubbyflamingoSPR: it i was online
Sellotapequeen: Hahahahaha.
Sellotapequeen: I love you.
FubbyflamingoSPR: it was intense
Sellotapequeen: You're the best.
FubbyflamingoSPR: i kno im the best
FubbyflamingoSPR: but the question is
FubbyflamingoSPR: am i made of cheese
FubbyflamingoSPR: things to ponder
Sellotapequeen: Yes.
FubbyflamingoSPR: I AM
FubbyflamingoSPR: how can u tell
FubbyflamingoSPR: i was thinking
FubbyflamingoSPR: maybe i should put myself in a large MICROWAVE
FubbyflamingoSPR: for like 2 mins
FubbyflamingoSPR: to see if i would melt
Sellotapequeen: Yeah Cool!!!
FubbyflamingoSPR: now
FubbyflamingoSPR: do u have a large microwave
FubbyflamingoSPR: cause i kno i dont
FubbyflamingoSPR: i looked
Sellotapequeen: Umm ...
Sellotapequeen: It's in ...
Sellotapequeen: My room.
FubbyflamingoSPR: u mean over there
FubbyflamingoSPR: ??
Sellotapequeen: Yeah.
Sellotapequeen: It's called a closet.
FubbyflamingoSPR: no freaking way
FubbyflamingoSPR: dude that would be so cool if i could melt ur closet
FubbyflamingoSPR: and then u could put me in the freezer
FubbyflamingoSPR: and then ud like miss alittle bit of me
FubbyflamingoSPR: andppl would walk into ur closet and be like whats that orange thing over there
FubbyflamingoSPR: and ull be like
FubbyflamingoSPR: its part of lina
Sellotapequeen: YEsssss!!!!!!!!!
FubbyflamingoSPR: it would be QUITE COOL
FubbyflamingoSPR: and u could have a little part of me where ever i go
Sellotapequeen: Yey!!!
Sellotapequeen: I'm so excited now
FubbyflamingoSPR: lol
FubbyflamingoSPR: dude im comin down this weekend
FubbyflamingoSPR: itll be a party in ur closet
FubbyflamingoSPR: lol
FubbyflamingoSPR: wow this is going on the xanga
Sellotapequeen: HAHAHA
Sellotapequeen: For real.
FubbyflamingoSPR: so right now we should say hi to the ppl reading this on my future xanga update
FubbyflamingoSPR: HI GUYS ::waves::
Sellotapequeen: HEY!!!
Sellotapequeen: Can you handle this convo
Sellotapequeen: ?
Sellotapequeen: I think not.
FubbyflamingoSPR: i dont think they can
FubbyflamingoSPR: no
FubbyflamingoSPR: they cant
Sellotapequeen: No you can't ...
Sellotapequeen: Booyah
FubbyflamingoSPR: BOO YA
FubbyflamingoSPR: OWE OWE ::does "yey lina" dance::
Sellotapequeen: *joins in*
FubbyflamingoSPR: wow
FubbyflamingoSPR: that was awesome




dude we rock

a boring time

weeeeee
im in the library (cause i cant be in petes room) attempting to do homework. . . . aka avoiding it at all coasts lol

yea
i have no idea why im posting but im bored so . . . .yea

um yay for no comments!

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

well well well
look what we have here
a blog

im sure i wont be good with keeping this one up cause im fully dedicated to my xanga (www.xanga.com/lina3434) but hey well just see how it goes